I'm standing on a street corner waiting for no one, watching the people passing and can't help but want to shout, “What the fuck?” Now I'm all worked up and have no way of releasing it, so I turn back and head towards the convenient store to buy a couple of cans of beer, which will hopefully subside the beast within.
I walk in and surprisingly find Rex at the hot dog counter. “Hey man,” I shout to him as I head towards the cooler.
“Hello there.”
“Yeah. I'm sorry about leaving you at the ATM. I just . . . didn't . . .”
“It's okay. The woman called her daughter to come get her because I wouldn't let either of them leave until they started acting right. I talked to the daughter and we're going to have dinner tomorrow. Beautiful girl, named Mariela, she lives in your complex. You know her?”
“Yes. Yes I do.”
Rex moved past me with his hot dogs and headed towards the cashier as I walked back towards the cooler. I took a couple of cans of beer out and turned towards the chips. As I contemplated my options, a hunched over man wearing a dark suit and a Bill Clinton mask comes waddling into the store waving a snub nose .38 around.
Fuck, it's Cheney, I mumble to myself.
Dick's keeping the gun moving. Going from the clerk's head to Rex's, which is really starting to piss Rex off.
“Give me the goddamn money!” Cheney barks at the clerk.
“Sure thing Mr. Clinton.” She responds with the thick sarcasm of a someone who's been robbed by someone pretending to be an ex-president before.
Rex's jaw is clenched and based on the tight fists his hands have become, he's moments from making a stupid move. As the cashier, takes all the bills out of her till and puts them on the counter, I reach the decision that this whole robbery situation is just stupid. This guy, who may or may not be Dick Cheney is robbing a convenient store, Rex is about to do something very stupid that could get him and the cashier killed.
Fuck it. I say with a sigh before stepping out from behind the chips and tossing a can of beer at Cheney's head. It hit him as expected, slightly off catching more the back half of the side of his head than the front half but it spun him around and knocked him silly all the same.
After he hit the ground, Rex was on top of him, holding his lifeless but still breathing body against the floor while the cashier called the cops. I put a couple of bucks on the counter for a can of beer and promptly left before either could try and stop me. It had officially been a long and trying day and I was ready to head home, maybe smoke a little ganja and drift off to sleep.
Heading home, I think about crawling into bed and sleeping the rest of this strange evening. I'm moving toward paradise, I think to myself, a comfortable bed, warm blanket, perfect pillow, letting myself get lost in a series of dreams.
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